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Con-demented Analogy

Con-dement / condiment….get it? OK, I apologize for the title. But not the post. Hopefully, you’ll find my analogy clever. If not, quietly roll your eyes or snicker, but don’t disturb the rest of us trying to have fun ;).

Writing is like pouring ketchup.

There are three ways, in general, to get ketchup out of a bottle–the old-fashioned kind, not the squeezie, folks–ya’ll do remember those, I hope :P.

The first type of writer is what I’m going to call the “pop and glop.” Some people have this knack for being able to flip a ketchup bottle over, give it one well-aimed pop, and a perfectly-sized glop of ketchup comes out. There are writers who have mastered this method for their writing. They sit down each day–most likely always at the same time–and write for X number of hours, or pound out X number of words. This is great for disciplined writers who can through force of will or nature get into the zone.
This is not me.

Second, there are those that set the bottle upside down after they pull it out of the fridge, and leave it on the table until all the ketchup has run “down” to the “top.” Then they carefully open the lid and pour. This is great for patient writers who ruminate on their work, “writing” it in their mind and then just heading to the computer to put the already formed work on paper.
This is…sometimes…me.

Third, there are the people who grab the bottle, bang on the bottom over and over with nothing coming out, and then–either by the natural force of gravity–or through a fit of frustration and a knife crammed into the bottle’s neck–a ginormous gush of ketchup floods out all over everything. This kind of writer sits at his/her desk, banging his/her head, wishing they were a “pop and glop” writer or a patient up-side-downer. They spend day after day thinking they’re deluding themselves, that they’re not a real writer, and the darn ketchup is NEVER going to come out–and then…glug, glug, glug…massive amounts of messy creativity come gushing forth.
This is…most of the time…me.

How about you? How do you get your ketchup writing out?

About Kat Heckenbach

Kat grew up in the small town of Riverview, Florida, where she spent most of her time either drawing or sitting in her "reading tree" with her nose buried in a fantasy novel...except for the hours pretending her back yard was an enchanted forest that could only be reached through the secret passage in her closet... She never could give up on the idea that maybe she really was magic, mistakenly placed in a world not her own...but as the years passed, and no elves or fairies carted her away...she realized she was just going to have to create the life of her fantasies. She shares that life with her husband and two homeschooling kids. Kat is a graduate of the University of Tampa, Magna Cum Laude, B.S. in Biology. She spent several years teaching, but never in a traditional classroom--everything from Art to Algebra II. Her writing spans the gamut from inspirational personal essays to dark and disturbing fantasy and horror, with over forty short fiction and nonfiction credits to her name.

6 comments on “Con-demented Analogy

  1. I break the bottle and finger-paint in ketchup for a while. At some point the mess begins to resemble something other than ketchup. 😛

  2. My dearest Kat,

    Ketchup is ketchup no matter how it comes out, it’s how the person deals with it once it’s out that shows their true craftsmanship. I seem to like the way you spread it myself. LOL

  3. I once waited 10 minutes for ketchup to slide out of a newly refilled bottle at a restaurant. Nearly drove my impatient tablemates into homicidal actions.
    When it comes to writing, though…At the moment, it feels like I’m just trying to find the bottle. chuckle.

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