Con-dement / condiment….get it? OK, I apologize for the title. But not the post. Hopefully, you’ll find my analogy clever. If not, quietly roll your eyes or snicker, but don’t disturb the rest of us trying to have fun ;).
There are three ways, in general, to get ketchup out of a bottle–the old-fashioned kind, not the squeezie, folks–ya’ll do remember those, I hope :P.
The first type of writer is what I’m going to call the “pop and glop.” Some people have this knack for being able to flip a ketchup bottle over, give it one well-aimed pop, and a perfectly-sized glop of ketchup comes out. There are writers who have mastered this method for their writing. They sit down each day–most likely always at the same time–and write for X number of hours, or pound out X number of words. This is great for disciplined writers who can through force of will or nature get into the zone.
This is not me.
Second, there are those that set the bottle upside down after they pull it out of the fridge, and leave it on the table until all the ketchup has run “down” to the “top.” Then they carefully open the lid and pour. This is great for patient writers who ruminate on their work, “writing” it in their mind and then just heading to the computer to put the already formed work on paper.
Third, there are the people who grab the bottle, bang on the bottom over and over with nothing coming out, and then–either by the natural force of gravity–or through a fit of frustration and a knife crammed into the bottle’s neck–a ginormous gush of ketchup floods out all over everything. This kind of writer sits at his/her desk, banging his/her head, wishing they were a “pop and glop” writer or a patient up-side-downer. They spend day after day thinking they’re deluding themselves, that they’re not a real writer, and the darn ketchup is NEVER going to come out–and then…glug, glug, glug…massive amounts of messy creativity come gushing forth.
This is…most of the time…me.
How about you? How do you get your
ketchup writing out?