Failure

I’ve never been good with failure.

I am the overachieving first born, it’s not in my nature to accept that there are things that I can’t do. I remember the first time I failed a class in college (long story), I seriously thought the world was about to end. I couldn’t even breathe for several moments. I, the great Ralene, had failed.

I’ve come a long way since then, failures coming and going. They’re still hard for me to deal with, but I’ve come to realize that they are a part of life just like anything else. Take NaNo, for example. I have tried THREE times over the last six  years, and failed horribly. This year was no different. My husband had a class that finished the second week, and that schedule threw me off. When I tried to work around it, I hit a weird writer’s block. The more I pushed, the more tricks I tried, the more the story flipped and flopped like a fish on dry land. It wasn’t working. Throw in being sick and dealing with sick kids up until about three days ago and, well, the story died at about 10,000 words, along with this year’s NaNo dreams.

Dealing with failure for some–whether your the type to keep trying or the type that gives up–is difficult. I tend to be too hard on myself, constantly berating and condeming, regardless of whether the failure was in my control or not.

That is not a healthy solution. It solves nothing.

As I mentioned already, failure is a part of life–a rough, but necessary part. It teaches humility, reminds us that we’re human, and inspires us to keep trying (or teaches to know when to give up).

So how do I deal with failure?

 O Israel, hope in the LORD;
For with the LORD there is mercy,
And with Him is abundant redemption. (Psalm 130:7)

First, I have to remember that failure is apart of life. I am not special. I will fail. But there is hope! God is watching over me–and He loves me. Failure does not scare Him away. Failure does not make Him love me any less. In fact, it is His love and mercy, His grace, that redeems me.

Once I’ve come to terms with the failure and realized that it doesn’t make me any less of a person, I am still loveable (for me that’s a big thing), then I try to assess the situation, figure out what happened. This is not the unhealthy ramblings of a hurt soul, this is the rational explanation. Not “I suck”, but “I didn’t schedule my time well”.

Then, God and I talk about whether it is something I need to try again, or if it is something I just need to give up. It is important to know the difference. Willingness to try again, perseverance, a can-do spirit–these are all important and noble qualities in a person. And we should know that sometimes we have to get back on that horse and conquer failure. However, not everything is meant to be, no matter how much we want it. If we continue to pursue it, we are only hurting ourslves. Quitting is not quite the horrible action it is perceived today. (That is not me saying it’s okay to quit when you really should be trying–that’s where God’s wisdom and guidance comes in. Knowing the difference is key.)

Right now, I’m still dealing with the NaNo failure. I’m not quite ready to think through it rationally. I’ll work my way through the steps, though. With God’s help, I always do.