Regrets and the Chance to Start Again

RapunzelIn terms of writing progress, I’d have to say that 2013 was a cycle of slivers of success scattered among blisters of self-doubt and long-term stalls. The highlight was attending my first writers’ conference back in May.

In Nov I hoped to make a big writing push. It was derailed quickly, crashed, burned and was buried beneath morning sickness. This is also the biggest reason for my recent lack of blog posts.

Some fellow writers rally and point out that they never got to take writing seriously until after their children were grown and “able to take care of themselves”. Thus to help dispel my own frustrations, but despite their efforts, I find little personal comfort in such. As a Homeschooling mother, I can’t just wait until they ride off on the bus for hours on end. Who knows how long I’ll still have little ones at home.

Personal experience and observations tends to discredit any ideas that tomorrow I will have both more time and ability to focus than I do today. It’s a nice dream but I’m not willing to pin too much on it.

Meanwhile, I have proven to myself and even my Husband has observed that when I go for stretches where I make no writing progress it’s like I just feel blah, like I’m only half alive. I am not sure I can explain it. No matter what other good stuff I seem to accomplish, the satisfaction is lackluster. It also sort of blurs together in a mundane haze.

I still have much to figure out in terms of balancing, but I think this year has reinforced my resolve that I can’t just shelf my books for “someday”. As I said, even my Husband has admitted the same conclusion and is trying to more actively support me in this. He does so much for me already that I’m humbled, even though I may not be that great at expressing it.

That being said, I have accomplished many things in other areas of my life and have grown. I’m expecting my sixth child in June and even now we are purchasing a home this week. The main “move day” will be next Sat.

With this new year I hope to make a renewed effort in writing. There is lots to do. I have a new office area to create in the new house and revision checklists to commit to. I’m hoping to make a good reset later this month when I make an out of state trip for a week. For the first time since getting married, I will be traveling solo. I’m trying to plan and prepare to make good use of that time.

So, although I don’t yet have a clear list of goals for this year, I’m definitely resolved to make some serious progress on writing and rebuild the habit of regular writing.

About Ren Black

Part-time novelist. Weekend artist. Full-time Mother. Ex-poet. Perfectionist by training. Compulsive researcher sporadically. Prone to fits of linguistic commentary Unorthodox Renegade occasionally. Sarcastic by habit... Dreamer Always... Consider Yourself Warned

4 comments on “Regrets and the Chance to Start Again

  1. Congratulations and blessings this year, Ren! (And strength for the move.)
    I hear you on the feeling blah part. My husband discovered that I need to work on my book to be happy, but I have to be happy in order to work on my book. =)

  2. Also meant to ask which conference you attended last May.

    • I attended the LDS Storymakers’ Conference in Provo, Utah. It was wonderful. Lots of Fantasy and Spec Fiction writers to mingle with.

      Thanks, and it’s true that you do have to feel good to work on writing. If you feel like crap, it’s hard to write anything but crap. lol But I’ve been working on better nailing the core/heart of my main heroine so that I can do some good revisions.

  3. Hang in there, Ren. Small progress is still progress. I’ve found that with practice, I can write 200-300 words in 15 minutes. Doesn’t sound like much, but 323 words a day for a month is 10,000 words. That’s a book a year. Press ahead.

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