Cricket Warfare 101: Misdirection

The continuing transcript retrieved by our spies in the Great Cricket War. Previously: Subtlety;  Sabotage

mothWhere we we?

Oh, yes. We were discussing sabotage. Eating clothes, not just because they’re tasty, but because they destroy our victims from the inside, breaking their will and tearing them down.

However, that’s only a start. One of our biggest assets is leading the humans in other directions. For example, when we eat clothes, we blame it on someone else. Any more, almost no one even knows we eat clothes. All the time, the humans sound shocked to find out this is what we do. Keeping this secret is a full-time job for our PR department.

Ah, I know what you’re thinking. How do we manage?

There are many ways, but I’ll share with you the two most important.

First, misdirection. Let me explain what I mean. Years ago, when the war was going in our favor, we had a troop stationed in a man’s closet. Well, he started to get wise to our tactics. The man started to get the word out about us, comparing us to the locusts in the book of Exodus. Clearly, something had to be done.

So, we allied ourselves with a group of moths. Moths like clothes, too, although for them it’s more just about the flavor than the war tactics. Well, we invited them into our lair, and told them they could have the closet. Needless to say, when that man found a nest of moths in his hole-ridden clothes, he placed the blame solely on them. I tell ya, the best invention we ever had for our side was mothballs. They don’t bother us, but the humans putting trust in them to get rid of moths frees us up for a lot of damage.

But that’s not all. No, the other job our PR department works on is propaganda. Not the negative kind you hear about so often, but positive propaganda. We just needed a few good stories to counteract the bad ones. For a long time, all the stories about us were fables that involved ants. We were a laughing stock, the moral of a story, and badly disliked. That had to change. We needed some opposite fable,s tales that people would repeat. Let me give you an example. A long time ago in China, one of our ancestors had the idea to associate us with luck. It took careful, strategic planning, but he and his army positioned themselves around the humans in specific places and at specific times, like during war or when a valuable item had been lost. Those crickets chirped before and during the most memorable moments, when a battle was won, when an item was found, when something good happened, and before long the humans began to associate a cricket’s chirp with good luck. We got put in a couple proverbs, then, and ever since people have the notion that we represent good luck. They don’t kill us because they want that good luck we supposedly bring.

Another strategic maneuver was getting in Pinocchio. That was a stroke of genius. Late one night while a writer scratched away at a manuscript, a cricket whispered in his ear, giving him the idea to insert a cricket as a good, wise, benevolent character. Behold, now the humans see us as wise and moral.

So, just remember, this battle is a long-standing war, and some of our greatest tools are misdirection and propaganda more than frontal assault.


About Avily Jerome

Avily Jerome is a writer and the editor of Havok Magazine. Her short stories have been published in various magazines, both print and digital. She has judged several writing contests and is a writing conference teacher and presenter. She writes speculative fiction, her ideas ranging from almost-real-world action/adventures to epic fantasies to supernatural thrillers.

12 comments on “Cricket Warfare 101: Misdirection

  1. Clothes moths. The Luftwaffe of the Cricket Reich. Who knew, right?

    Your writing on this subject would be funny (well, even funny-er) if it weren’t so thrice-accursed true. 😉

  2. Reblogged this on Tales of the Undying Singer and commented:
    Clothes moths. The Luftwaffe of the Cricket Reich. Who knew, right?

  3. […] To read the beginning of this transcript, please see:      Subtlety    Sabotage     Misdirection […]

  4. I’ve been reading your cricket posts, and nodding. Crickets are something else again…

    Have you tried boric acid powder yet? You can line places people and pets don’t normally go with it, put it in a clean squeeze bottle and puff it through a hole in the wall, or use it with other ingredients to make ant balls that crickets might also be willing to eat. So long as it’s kept out of the way of children and pets, it’s really effective for dealing with a range of insects. And, as you pointed out, crickets will eat anything. 🙂

    • Believe it or not, I’ve had real trouble finding boric acid, except at extreme prices from scientific supply shops. A friend says equal parts of boric acid, sugar and corn meal makes an effective roach bait/killer – but I can’t find any boric acid. Yes, I’ll ask him where he gets his – I’d have done it sooner were I not so easily distracted (like Butterbur in THE LORD OF THE RINGS, I only remember my own name because people shout it at me all day 🙂 ) – but any feedback from you would be great. 😀

      I think the “wood roaches” eat the crickets around here and maybe I ought to write a supplement to Avily’s work about that. 😉 From the crickets’ point of view, of course.

      • What do you mean “from the crickets’ point of view’? This IS from their point of view. It’s a direct transcript of what they’ve been saying, how they’re plotting against us! 😛

        • Of course. But I find that their teachers and messengers are as careless around my domicile as they apparently are around yours. 😉 It’s as if they want us to KNOW we’re doomed and they no longer care that we do. 😀 And, that they’ll bump you and (should I dare to publish a transcript on my own blog) me off as soon as that can possibly be arranged. ::: shudder :::

    • I tried to do that and I couldn’t find boric acid. The drug store wasn’t selling it anymore because it’s a poisonous substance so it’s controlled now or something. I tried a couple different places and couldn’t find it.

  5. […] on Subtlety and on Sabotage, and I know you haven’t forgotten our discussions about Misdirection and Psychological Warfare. I’m pleased to hear reports of your progress in these […]

  6. […] who knows how I feel about crickets (Cricket Warfare 101: Subtlety, Sabotage, Misdirection, Psychological Warfare, Treaties and Allies) can well imagine how I feel about roaches. We don’t […]

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