I didn’t want to say anything until it was official, but now that it is, I’d like to just fill you in on what is happening on that front.
I broke up with my agent.
It was more or less a mutual agreement. We came to the conclusion that we did not work well together and it would be better for both of us if we parted ways. It was a really difficult decision to make. In some ways, it feels like going back to square one and having to start over. I now have to start the search all over again and attempt to attract the attention of an agent before I can even being the process of trying to find a publisher. It is also frustrating because I feel, in some ways, that I wasted the last eight months of my life working on this, making changes I didn’t want to make and waiting around for something that never panned out.
On the other hand, I think it was a really great experience. I learned a lot about myself and my manuscript, about working with someone and compromising, and on which sorts of things I’m willing to bend and which I’m not. I learned what I can live with and what will make me crazy. And I learned what I’m looking for and what I want out of this manuscript.
A part of me wonders if my expectations are totally unrealistic, and if I should take this experience into my next agent relationship and be willing to be more flexible. But then there’s the part of me that knows exactly where I want to see myself and where I want to see this story, and I know that if I did compromise on the things I am unwilling to compromise on, I would no longer love my story. It would no longer be mine, but would be a twisted, Frankenstein-like hybrid that has some fragments of my story jumbled in with a bunch of things I hate or at the very least don’t particularly like.
I know that when the time comes that this manuscript is getting published (and I still hold on to the firm belief that it will be), there will be things I have to change and be willing to compromise on, but I also have to hang on to the belief that God put this story in my heart, and He has a place for it in His timing and in His way, and it’s better to wait and not budge on the things that I think are important than to settle for something (or someone) that is not going to do it justice.
And so, despite the frustrations and the nagging feeling that it is never going to happen for me, overall I’m relieved, because I was not happy with the way things were and I was beginning not to love my story any more, and if I don”t love it, I can’t expect someone else to.
On a brighter note, my NaNo story is coming along nicely. I’m really excited about it, and I think it’s got some great potential.
Thanks for listening!