You know those moments in life when you feel like the floor has just gone out from under your feet, and your life is going to go through a major change? Yeah, that happened today. Part of me believes I prayed for it, so I have to smile. My pastor preached Sunday about a number of things related to belief and trusting our problems to Jesus. I prayed again about the struggle I’m having dedicating so much more time to fiction than the Bible and the kinds of evangelism I did when preparing for ministry. Again I laid out my desire to write, trusting that complicated desire to Him, and prayed that I’d accept whatever for Him to resolve it and get me back on track.
Sometimes prayers like this feel like riding up to the top of a roller coaster. It’s exhilarating to experience the faith that genuinely trusts the future to Him who has already been there.
Today, partly because of sinful behavior on my part, my freedom to type my fiction was revoked from my day job. I’m a security guard, and have said how blessed I feel to be able to write in between hello’s and badge sign out’s. Today that freedom splat like a steak on concrete.
It was really hard to swallow. Not only did I have to accept that I may need a new job, but I had to forgive the person who spitefully revoked it. Sure, I still have a job, and for that I’m thankful, but it is going to be a challenge passing the time.
So, I’m planning a day of prayer and Scripture meditation. If you have requests, email me at tim@timothycward dot com (I’ll get them when I get home). I’m not sure where God is leading me here, and whether it is still cool to longhand my fiction, but I don’t feel I have to wait to see the happy ending before I praise His name. I can still write, and our needs are still provided, so I’m thinking this is going to be a much-needed lesson in contentment and patience.
This is where the roller coaster tips over the hill.