Love and Marriage

Tomorrow my husband and I celebrate our tenth anniversary. Ten years later, we not only still love each other, we still like each other, which, in my opinion, is easily as impressive an accomplishment.

I cannot claim to know everything there is to know about maintaining a happy marriage, because my marriage is different from yours. I know what works for us, though, so here are a few things that we find helpful.

1) Don’t fight.
I know, that sounds impossible, but when you put the other person’s needs and feelings ahead of your own, it makes fights considerably fewer and less intense.
2) Don’t go to bed angry
It’s in the Bible. Who am I to argue with that? On a personal note, the few times we have gone to bed without resolving an issue, feelings have festered and things have gotten worse. The sooner you can resolve an issue, the easier it is.
3) Learn to laugh with each other about yourselves.
This is probably one of the most valuable things my husband and I have learned. We genuinely enjoy each other’s company because we share a similar sense of humor and can laugh at our own foibles without being offended by the other.

And so, in honor of this milestone, I offer a tribute to love and marriage, in the form of humor and in the spirit of fun, and interspersed with my own wedding photos and marital anecdotes.

To see how we got to where we are, how we fell in love and the road that brought us together, check out the story of how we met:  How I Met Your Father (this is the link to the final episode; links to the stories from the beginning are at the top of the post).

My husband’s favorite quote about marriage is “A man marries a woman expecting she won’t change, and is disappointed when she does. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, and is disappointed when he doesn’t.”

Him:                                                                                                                 Me:


Some of our favorite jokes have to do with stereotypes. I learned early on in our marriage that my husband, despite his best efforts, is not psychic. So, instead of being disappointed that he got me a vacuum for Christmas (actually, he did, but it was one I really wanted, so it counts as being romantic), I give him a catalog with my favorite things circled, or send him to a website or make him a list of things that I would enjoy for gifts, or I tell him exactly why what he said or did was frustrating.

But where the fun comes in is when I say, “If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you.” Because that is, without doubt, one of the stupidest things a woman can say. No offense intended if you are a woman who has said this, but really, what kind of sense does that make? How can he know what he did wrong or what he should do differently if you refuse to tell him why you’re upset? He can’t read your mind, and he is probably genuinely stumped about why you’re angry, so to refuse to tell him because he doesn’t already know is, at a minimum, counterproductive to what you’re trying to accomplish.

I hope you enjoyed this post. Now it’s your turn! Share a favorite quote, picture, story, or piece of advice in the comments section!

About Avily Jerome

Avily Jerome is a writer and the editor of Havok Magazine. Her short stories have been published in various magazines, both print and digital. She has judged several writing contests and is a writing conference teacher and presenter. She writes speculative fiction, her ideas ranging from almost-real-world action/adventures to epic fantasies to supernatural thrillers.

10 comments on “Love and Marriage

  1. Congratulations, Avily. One piece of advice off the top of my head is that at least my wife enjoys when I go grocery shopping with her. I’m not sure if it’s partly because she wants me to share in having to do the chore… but mainly it’s spending time with her and helping carry stuff.

  2. Congratulations! My hubby and I are quickly approaching our 10 year anniversary this summer, so I can relate… most days, we still like each other.

  3. Avily, I couldn’t agree with you more than what you said in #1. Putting the other person’s needs before your own is crucial to a marraige. I saw a quote once that said something like, “Maybe more women would be willing to be ladies if more men were willing to be gentlemen,” and while I think it goes both ways, there’s wisdom there. We’ll be celebrating 10 years next year, so I can applaud your accomplishment of 10 years with sincerity. 🙂 Happy Anniversary!

  4. I can’t believe it’s been ten years, and I was there when you got married. You have four kids, so I knew you married at least…well, four years. Two things: 1) would you believe my one year anniversary is June 9; and 2) your husband’s quote about men, women, and expectations about change I first heard on Home Improvement…Wilson (the next door neighbor, who’s face you never see) said it, and I quote it all the time. Your hubby’s a keeper (he must be if he and I are quoting the same obscure references).

  5. Thanks, everyone!
    And yes, Mark, he is a keeper. I fully intend to keep him for as long as possible. 🙂 (Also, in going through wedding photos to scan and put in here, I came across more than one of you… 😉 )

  6. Happy anniversary! Ten HAPPY years is definitely something to be proud of. I think the biggest shock in growing up and maturing in life and in our marriage is that “Love is not an emotion. It’s a verb.” For so long, I expected relationships to make me happy, fulfill me, be easy, and any other stupid cliche you can think of. Thank goodness for growing up.

  7. Late, but congrats!

    Must have been a great year to get married because our 10 year anniversary is at the end of this month. Through the years I’ve only learned more and more how lucky I am.

  8. I really enjoyed reading your article. Thanks for sharing 🙂

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