What I See in the Mirror

Everyone has something about themselves that they don’t like.

Some people don’t like their bodies, wishing that they could lose weight or have more vuluptous curves/muscular build. Some wish they had a smaller nose or a different color of hair. Some wish they were taller or shorter, prettier, popular…etc.

While I could stand to lose a few pounds, and my hair is already graying (even though I’m only 30), and I have to get a stepstool to reach the top shelves in the kitchen, I’m actually pretty content with the way I look. The one thing about me that I don’t like and would give about anything to change is my health.

I don’t have anything that is necessarily “bad”, and in fact most of my issues are pretty common (though typically among people about 20 years older than me).  Between chronic pain, allergies, asthma, diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol, I typically take about 8-10 pills a day, plus a dose of insulin. I’m not crazy about it, but I know it’s still better than some people I know. Much of my issues can be controlled by my lifestyle.

That’s where the issue comes in. I have to be very “in control” of my environment, my diet, and everything else. I have to be very careful not to over do it–or under do it. Everything has to be juuuuuuust right–or I get sick. If you follow me on Facebook, it probably occurs to you that I’m not very good at it, because I am sick quite often. Yes, it is a vicious circle.

I don’t feel good, I don’t clean or cook. I don’t clean or cook, I get sick.

See the problem?

Any additional stress, and my entire life can fall to pieces. That’s what happened this month. The first week of April I spent trying to get ahead because the second week I went on a house hunting trip (FYI: there is a 6 hour time difference between Hawaii and Kentucky. NOT FUN!) The third week was supposed to be a “catch up” week before my husband had surgery on the 20th. That didn’t happen due to some things that came up with his work and a few personal things.

I put off a lot of stuff to keep my sanity (and my health), saying I would get it done this week. But, as I stated before, if I get too stressed, my life falls to pieces. So, this week comes around, and guess what happens? I ended up with the flu Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday; and then migraines Friday and today. Did I get anything done? Nope.

I feel guilty about the stuff that didn’t get done and even more stress about how to catch up.

See? Vicious circle.


About Ralene Burke

Whether she’s wielding a fantasy writer’s pen, a freelance editor’s sword, or a social media wand, Ralene Burke always has her head in some dreamer’s world. And her goal is to make it SHINE! She has worked for a variety of groups, including Realm Makers, The Christian PEN, Kentucky Christian Writers Conference, and as an editor for a number of freelance clients. Her first novel, Bellanok, is being published as a 4-part serial! When her head’s not in the publishing world, she is wife to a veteran and homeschooling mama to their three kids. Her Pinterest board would have you believe she is a master chef, excellent seamstress, and all around crafty diva. If she only had the time . . .

2 comments on “What I See in the Mirror

  1. Ralene, I hear ya! I have an autoimmune disease (don’t you love those “invisble illnesses? NOT!) and depression – and getting caught in the cycle is hard. I sometimes think the only way out is simply when God decides to lift me above it and give me what I lack to get the work done. NOt the most comfortable place to live though when you want to be the one in control. ((hugs!)) BTW -I’m sick right now too – pink eye and sinus/ear/bronchial infection. Jsut started antibiotics which I normally try to avoid.

  2. Hang in there, Ralene. Lifestyle change is hard, but not impossible. Mind you, just because it’s possible doesn’t mean it’s enjoyable. 😉

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