As I told her, my heartbeat quartered.
TT: That’s a little less dramatic than doubling but more elevated than normal.
“Yes, it is exciting, isn’t it?” she thought she agreed with me.
How do I explain that the things normal people call “exciting” are the things I experience as “anxious?” I can’t tell you how many years it took me to realize that I probably go through the same physical reactions as the rest of you – elevated heartbeat, sweaty or clammy hands, sudden contractions in the gut and an overwhelming need to do something – but I label these as “bad” where others seem to label them “good.” The something I do also tends to be hiding under the covers until I calm down.
It started with fireworks. Loud noises and bright lights scare the poopooweeweekaka out of me. I clearly remember spending a 4th of July baseball fireworks display weeping and cowering under my parents’ legs under the bleachers at the only ballgame they ever took me to, begging them to make it stop for however long it lasted and quite a while after it was over. I was about two, probably.
It continued with swimming pools and diving boards. Couple a fear of heights with a fear of sharks and see how happy you are to jump off an unsteady board into a potential death trap.
TT: It makes no difference that sharks don’t live in swimming pools. I saw Jaws. I watched James Bond movies. Sharks can show up anywhere, anytime, period. According to Saturday Night Live, they can even knock on your door and eat you.
Top it off with the most humiliating yellow rubber cap ever on your head over your ears to prevent the ear infections you always get after being in the water and consider how often and how enthusiastically you would go swimming. Fun? I don’t think so.
Fast forward to roller coasters and swing sets and that spinning thing on the playground that all the other kids run to and I run away from because two minutes on any of those things leads to all my internal organs fighting to exit my body through my mouth. Do that every single time you try a “fun” ride and see what emotion you connect with elevated heart rate and clammy hands.
So you’ll have to forgive me when y’all get “excited” and I get “anxious.” I’ve had a lot of practice.
On the plus side, Star of Justice’s May 1st release date is currently on target for both print and ebook.
Please enjoy the ride for me. I’ll be in the corner breathing into a paper bag.