So, you all know from my post last Sunday that my computer is on the fritz (now it is on the fritz on the way to a friend to fix…yay!). This happened on January 2nd, the day after the new year. The day after I made the goal of 500 words/day. The day after I commited to starting the rewrite on Dividing Spirits. Does life know how to throw a kink in my plans or what?
Of course, “life” could mean God or it could mean Satan. Either way, somebody was out for me (that was my line of thinking during the frustration).
At first, I knew it was Satan. He had to stop me. I had recommitted to the ministry God gave me. I was stronger than before. He knew…
Actually, God knew more than him.
Fast forward a week…
In the first week of the new year, I had yet to write anything BUT articles for my blogs. I needed to just suck it up and start writing. So I did. I rewrote the first 600 or so words of Dividing Spirits–and then got stuck. I took a break, did some brainstorming, and then felt frustrated because I didnt have a way to access my Norton Online Backup from my husband’s computer (I did figure out a way, but that’s not actually the point) and therefore my latest copy of Dividing Spirits (also another reason to have more than one backup).
I didn’t write anything else for a few days. I told Ren that I blamed the computer because it wasn’t “mine”, nothing was in the right spot so it blocked the flow of my creativity. Man, who was I kidding?
On Thursday, I sat down at the computer, determined to fulfill my 500 words and I didn’t care if every single one of them was crap.
I bowed my head and surrendered the story to God.
It didn’t come to me immediately, in fact, I was about 400 words into my daily goal when the epiphany hit.
Despite everything my new critique group had said, despite every word from that still small voice, despite everything I knew, I wasn’t willing to let go of the story that I originally wrote–and it was holding me back. After letting my finger hover over the mouse for several minutes, I finally took a deep breath and hit “delete”. The entire day’s work and most of what I had written before–gone. GONE. I had to start over. I had to take a deep breath, reach down deep, and see what came out.
When writer’s talk about bleeding onto the page, that’s what it came down to.
In the next hour or so, I pounded out 1100 words with renewed vigor. I was excited. I was thrilled with the new path. Options started opening in my mind faster than I could write them down. All the holes that needed filled, all the advice finally making sense. I had a whole new story laid out before me.
But what excited me the most was the enthusiasm, the passion, had returned.
I was a writer.
I could do this.
One day, my story will find a place in this world.
The questions is, how do I tell Jeff (who still has the old version in his pile)?
Hugs. I know it hurt at first, but I also know how good you feel now. 😀
My poor babies *cries*
Just kidding… You’re absolutely right, I feel much better now. 🙂
Surrendered to God.
Best words ever, and afterward it seems like you more than doubled your goal. PSH.
You are a writer.
Yes, those are pretty powerful words. Funny how sometimes we don’t want to give in, and then when we do, things turn out better than we expected. What were we so afraid of to begin with?
TOTALLY get this, Ralene.
I’ve been living in the land of ‘block’ or feeling the affects of de-motivation 🙂
It doesn’t have anything to do with post-Christmas blues following a CRAZY NanoWriMo, ya think?
But God is so gracious in giving us people around us who put hands & feet on his inward urgings in our hearts (in other words, people who KICK US IN THE PANTS for Jesus sake! 🙂
Thanks for the reminder.
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