The Cold struck first, a sneak attack of Stuffy, Aching Head.
I retaliated with Vitamin C Grenades.
The Cold lashed out with Sore Throat Gunfire.
I blocked with a shield of Ample Fluids.
The Cold got the upper hand when it launched a full-scale assault of Sinus Headache.
Snot ran in a thick, green sludge from my nose; my breathing sounded like I was auditioning for an anti-smoking commercial. A jackhammer drilled my skull from the inside out, a constant throbbing that made every sound more articulated and amplified in my head. I must have swallowed sandpaper at some point, for my throat was raw and sore, and I only retained about a third of my normal vocal volume.
The last weapon in my arsenal was Extra Sleep.
And that was when The Cold got really nasty.
The Cold attacked the baby.
When you have a stuffy-nosed, angry baby who needs to be jiggled and snuggled all night in order to sleep, you don’t get a lot of sleep yourself.
I needed something new, a secret weapon of epic properties. Something dramatic to annihilate The Cold once and for all.
And then I came across Werewolf Tonic.
My good friend and former roommate, who moved across the country a year ago, came back to town with her new boyfriend to visit the week after Christmas. While she was in town, a group of us got together for coffee to visit with her.
I think it came up with regard to someone else’s illness, but given my own battle against illness, when someone started talking about a cure for colds, my ears perked up.
Apparently, one of my friends was in possession of a Super Tonic that would wipe out colds almost instantaneously. How I’ve been friends with these people for fourteen years and never found out about this magical substance until now I have no idea, but that’s not the point. Anecdotal evidence suggests that one dose of this homemade remedy is enough to wipe out a cold virus within hours. (Individual results may vary, of course.)
Naturally, I wanted to acquire some of this elixir as soon as possible. So, I asked my friend how to make it. And, since we were out to coffee and I didn’t have any place to write it down, I went with my first thought on how to record the data.
I texted a brief, summary-version of the recipe to my husband.
Only, I didn’t tell him what it was or give any explanation, I just sent him this:
Onions, garlic, ginger, habanero, horseradish, apple cider vinegar. Chop finely, apple cider vinegar to one inch above, shake daily, ferment two weeks, strain, take one dropperful.
So he texted back, “And this will for sure keep me from turning into a werewolf, right?”
Anyway, I didn’t want to wait two weeks to feel better while my brew was brewing, so I managed to acquire some from someone who had some already prepared.
And it worked.
Not instantaneously, but within a couple hours I started to get my voice back. I took more than one dose, too. I took a couple doses that evening and a couple the next morning before returning the tonic to its rightful owner.
And within a few days I was feeling much better. Even better, so did the baby!
It could be coincidence, that my body and my previous attack methods kicked in and scourged the virus from me, but I think the Werewolf Tonic played a pretty significant part.
So, since it worked so well for me, I wanted to share it with you. The directions are pretty self-explanatory. Even amounts of the above fresh ingredients, chopped finely, put in a jar, then fill the jar with apple cider vinegar to an inch above the ingredients. Shake every day for two weeks, then strain the liquid into whatever receptacle you’re most likely to use it in. Little medicine jars with the droppers are quite handy. And there you go.
Take one dropperful when you’re feeling poorly and I can pretty much guarantee you won’t turn into a werewolf.
One minor disclaimer, though: you might want to take it in juice or have some water handy, because whoa, buddy. It’s potent.