I’ve been in a major bleh over writing the past month. It’s kinda hard not to be. I’ve seen some things and learned some things now that I’m a published author that, well…that disappoint me about the whole process.
It’s a combination of misconceptions, false expectations, and unexpected reactions. There’s a dynamic shift when a person gets published, that those of us who struggle to be so don’t expect. And on top of that…well, you really get to see who your friends are and who aren’t. I suppose you can chalk some of that up to the green-eyed monster. But it’s still disappointing.
What my bleh boils down to is that I feel like I’m in limbo.
You see, before publishing I was in the “Unpublished Club.” Sure, this club was not always nice. Sure, some people would withhold information or support for fear you’d beat them to publishing. But I found a great support system of like-minded authors all pursuing the same ultimate goal.
Then I got published. Immediately some, but not all, of the “Unpublished Club” disowned me. I guess they felt I wasn’t worthy, and maybe they’re holding a grudge. But even though many of the others still talk with me, there’s a dynamic shift. I’m not really in their club anymore. I can’t really talk writing on their level, because I’m no longer in the same boat.
There’s the published authors. Most have been extremely nice and helpful. They’ve welcomed me into the new “Published Club.” But the “Published Club” has snobs, too. I’m kind of like Jack on Titanic…you know, obviously new money but one of them nonetheless. I’ve been talked to like a child by a published author, which was rather demeaning. Most of these culprits are the industry veterans. Big names with big publishers. I’m not worthy to share their table.
Then there’s the “experts.” You know…the agents, editors, and professionals that work in the industry. The ones who repeatedly told me “No” when I sent them queries. Yeah…they snub me completely now.
And not to forget all the local news outlets. Who’ve ignored me.
In short, I’m in limbo. I don’t really feel like I belong to either club. All in all, I’m not really better off than I was prior to being published. Except now there are less people willing to lend their support. Funny how that happens, isn’t it? The readers like my book, though. And that’s what matters right?
So there’s my bleh. I’m not wanting to whine, just want to keep it real. This is my journey “on the other side,” warts and all. And the reality is, that all those wonderful supportive connections you make as an unpublished author won’t transfer over. It hurts a little when some of those people were ones you worked hard to develop a professional relationship with and hoped to work with some day. Then to have one of them basically say (though not in these exact words) that I don’t deserve this. That was rather discouraging. I guess there will always be people to look at you and say “you’re not good enough.”
Good thing I don’t write for those people. I write for God, myself, my family, and my fans. I write because it’s what I enjoy doing. I have at least one publisher who believes in me. For this I am thankful. And I will continue to be thankful for all the friends and fans that support me no matter what. Especially the NAF crew…who act like nothing’s changed. Bravo! Chocolate covered peppermint red velvet cake balls all around!
And for being so silent in conversations with those friends and fans due to my bleh. I’m getting over it now. Sorry about that.