Michael Stone Pre-Rabbit
Michael- Right off the bat, Diane, I need to say it was very clever the way you got me in here for this interview. I was completely fooled by your performance at the nightclub. I admit, I didn’t sense you were a Cow, but you looked so desperate; I guess I was a little tipsy [laughs]. But then again, Cows come after me, I do NOT chase them, so I guess I just thought you were coming on to me, dying for me to milk ya. Oh, well, I should’ve listened to Jesse—he told me you were trouble [chuckles]. But, what the [expletive deleted], the night is wasted and Jesse flies back to New York in a few hours. I guess I’ll sit back and stare at you a few minutes. You are a lovely woman. Now what did you ask me?
Michael- Am I a creature of the night? Like Dracula or that Edward Cullen, you mean? That’s hilarious. No, Diane, I am one of 100,000 Rakum; a proud race of beings that span the globe, we’re more walking gods than anything else. We are not human, we live below your radar, volunteer blood donors keep us satisfied, and the wealth of the earth’s nations keep us clothed and sheltered. Sure, we stay out of the sun, but the night is long enough. –It is plenty long enough
Michael- Hah, you’re asking the wrong person, sugar. Why do they become Cows? It puzzles me to no end, but hey [shrugs], easier is better, I always say. I have nine Cows in the Montgomery area, and I have them on a strict rotation so each one can give me the most blood at every visit. Most Rakum get by on half that many, but Montgomery’s been good to me. As for attracting them, some of my brothers attract Cows from miles away. These mortals will travel over three states, sniffing out their masters like bloodhounds—good pun, eh? Some of my brethren have premonitions and seek out the one they saw in their visions. But for me, they usually just have to see me walk by. I don’t do anything at all.
Take this guy Jeremy, he’s an artist and a Cow of mine for the past five years. I work nights at the airport, security, and one night a new janitor comes through the locker, mopping the floor. He’s about twenty, short, mousy—you know, invisible. He and I glance at each other and BAM! [snaps fingers] he’s hooked. It took him three nights to get the nerve to speak to me, and I played it cool. I know how to string them along, make them crazy with anticipation. You see, he didn’t understand why he was so drawn to “Officer Stone”—he was straight, and relatively happy—he just knew that when he saw me, he was filled with desperation. It’s a beautiful thing. Mmmmm… So, where was I? Oh, yeah, so the third night, he approached me in the locker and I drove him home. [laughs] He was soooooo fidgety, just a dumb kid, but when I drew his blood, his dreams came true. We’ve been pals since. And yes, I befriend the Cows. My Elder, Jack Dawn, beats them. Jesse Cherrie barely tolerates them. But me? I like Cows. I like humans. I like you, Diane. Very much.
Michael- A natural next question, I suppose. Can I be frank? Is this interview going to be read by little toddlers? Baby Cows—would they be Calves? Hah, no, that’s wrong. Okay, yes, Rakum like [bumchickawowow]—a lot. You’d call us Hedonists; we want what we want when we want it. And because we can, we try to never go without.
As for a particular special little lady, you’re really asking me about, eh? No, I’ve never had a mate, never wanted one. Women are plentiful, and I don’t mean to offend, but the choices are extremely varied. Some of my brethren settle down with a mate for a time, but I have no idea why.
Since we’re sharing, Diane, I’ll tell you that there’s no fear of pregnancy with the Rakum. Only our Ten Fathers are fertile to procreate, so that leaves the rest of us free to pursue love anytime we desire without commitment. And, I would share one more little thing with you, too, since we’ve become such good friends—personally, I don’t have to mix [bumchickawowow] and blood. I can take one without the other. Are you busy tonight?
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