5 Comments

Abduction By a Purple Cat Toy

All I need to know about alien invasion I learned from a cat toy.

If little green –or purple- men do get overly ambitious and attack, they will come for our animals in order to populate their own world. It will last no more than one week. Fortunately, all intelligent animals will flee for the mountains abandoning us to our fate. However, the human governments will shatter into dozens of special interest groups when they can’t agree as to whether they should fight, call in researchers or protect a possibly endangered species. In the end, I believe the curiosity of a child will bring the invading horde to their knees. (assuming they have knees, which might or might not be true)

Don’t believe me?

I really don’t know who’s idea it was to buy it, or even who thought it was marketable in the first place. However, someone brought home a cat toy for our precocious long-haired calico. Three and a half inches of purple plastic teardrop with bubble greenish-teal eyes. From the crooked tail out the back, I decided someone mistakenly thinks it looks like a mouse. On the other hand, when held by the tail I certainly couldn’t miss the uncanny resemblance to the popular alien head icon. This day of techno toys, an old sock stuffed with catnip is not enough. Certainly it would be more appealing to the cat if moved and made noise. So it has spinning wheels, a motion sensor and a voice that goes “Uh-oh, nah nana nah nah.” Then it laughs.

Our cat was not impressed. Not for a moment did it fool her and she would have nothing to do with it. The adults didn’t know what to do with it. Some who saw it laughed and thought it cute. Others hated the noise and would rather toss it in a dumpster – preferably one far away.

Our six-month-old crawled right over to it. She grabbed its crooked tail, sat up and shook it, slamming it against the hard kitchen floor. The purple critter shuddered and laughed harder, but its “nah-nah nanana” sounded pretty stunted to me. With its wheels spinning in mid-air it was helpless and at the mercy of the inquisitive infant. After a week or so, I took pity and rescued it. It hid for a few months, cowering in the corner of a cardboard box until the infant got big enough to stand and see inside the flimsy fortress.

That poor thing suffered through four kids over the years, occasionally rescued for spells. It never did recover from that and subsequent encounters. Now, its wheels take it in weak circles, the voice box is jittery like the stuttering of a mentally ill patient, and the purple case is cracked from the pounding. I still cringe every time I hear that tell-tale voice, but am no longer sure if it’s because of annoyance or in sympathy. However, if it’s any consolation, it has already survived the cat…

Still don’t believe me?

If Alien’s find us first, they’re technology most likely far exceeds ours, so why would they be that impressed by our “intelligence”? On the other hand, most alien planets we have found or dreamed up are stark and hostile. Keep in mind that there are more animals on earth than humans. Plus animals are priceless – in usefulness, production, emotional well-being etc. Humans are ambitious and tend to turn things into a power-struggle of one-upmanship. Many animals are eager to help and be cared for.

Animals have flight or fight mechanism. They usually flee the unknown at first sight. Plus, despite all our advances, animals have a knack of still picking up on things before us so they’ll probably sense them coming first.

Meanwhile, admit it, our Government can’t agree on much. People are far too diverse, which is how special interest groups came about. They make money off of issues and always looking for opportunities – not resolutions.

And the “Infant/child”?
Well, are we not “racist” by nature? We fear anything that is different. But seriously, what’s the chances that advanced alien life forms will be mercilessly violent? What happened to the idea of “being civilized”? Aren’t we trying to explore other planets? Are we bent on the destruction or enslavement of every critter we might find out there? As a matter of fact, if international affairs reflect what intergalactic affairs might be, it seems sometimes that the more advanced one is, the more beatings they seem to justify as their due and resort mostly to slapping wrists. The bark is definitely worse than the bite. We view other nations more like a frustrated parent sees a child than as an enemy.

Once the aliens are shown as non violent, it’s highly possible that the horde of young adults and teens that have been raised on alien hype will recall their obsessions. The aliens would be mobbed by their fans to be asked nonsensical ranging from “Did you bring back Elvis?” to “Can I go with you when you leave? Because my life here sucks.”

The better they understand our language, the more insane it will probably seem. Surely, any intelligent alien would flee such hysteria. Unfortunately for them, they’ll have already revealed themselves as out there and like the cat toy, it may be an act they will regret for the rest of their duck-and-cover existence. The leaders and “adults” will likely end up trying to protect them from harassment, as I took pity on the toy, but as we advance and grow like the child, we’re bound to run into them again hiding in corners of the galaxy.

Yep, outer space would never be the same after that…

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About Ren Black

Part-time novelist. Weekend artist. Full-time Mother. Ex-poet. Perfectionist by training. Compulsive researcher sporadically. Prone to fits of linguistic commentary Unorthodox Renegade occasionally. Sarcastic by habit... Dreamer Always... Consider Yourself Warned

5 comments on “Abduction By a Purple Cat Toy

  1. I just finally got a chance to read this, and had to laugh. We’ve had our share of cat toy blunders too. I can really sympathize.

    But I have to disagree with you on how “grown up countries” see other, “not-so grown up countries,” and whether this is a good thing. I think the current prevailing attitude is rather patronizing. Take, for instance, the United States relationship to Israel over the latest incident.

    And there is no guarantee that every alien race out there, no matter how advanced, would be well meaning. Even the ones that intended to be well-meaning might cause everyone a great deal of grief. We can take an example of this from our own earth history: I believe the British Empire had its overwhelming share of well-meaning government officials, but some of their well-meaningness got very far out of hand.

    • You’re right – there’s no guarantee that aliens are well-meaning or that well-meaning aliens couldn’t/wouldn’t do harm. I was merely referencing how often culture has portrayed them as dangerous. The post was all in fun in rather loose with speculations.

      Thanks for commenting, Krysti.

      • Oh yes. The whole American “B” movie culture can be quite fascinating when it comes to stereotypical aliens. I was reading a book just a few days ago where the protagonist lamented the major stereotypes and then kept trying to think of another type of alien that didn’t adhere to either stereotype so he could write his own unique book, and couldn’t. One of those tongue-in-cheek author moments…

  2. I always like the witty sweetness of your posts, Ren. Anyone that reads them must know how much you adore your not so perfect family because they are not so perfect. It gives your writing a feeling of “real” that I enjoy very much. (My family is not so perfect also.)

    As far as aliens, you may be right about teenagers making them rock stars. Or…adults could make them lab rats. I wonder which would be a more miserable existence? 😀

    • Thanks, Diane.
      True, true – far from perfect.
      Your question is a good one indeed. Personally I think I’d rather the lab rat – with the hope that it would at least go for a “good” cause. lol

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