You know you’re a writer when…

I thought it would be fun to come up with a tongue-in-cheek list of things that describe what it means to be a writer or, more specifically, a Christian writer. I’ve started with some of mine. Please feel free to add your own.

1 – The second thing you think about in the morning is your latest story. As a Christian, your first thought should be about God.

2 – The second-to-last thing you think about at night is your latest story. See point 1.

3 – You spend all day trying to find time to write but when you finally do find the time you think of a million other things to do first, such as reading Leviticus.

4 – Other people look around and see life. You look around and see potential plot points.

5 – You try to simply enjoy reading other people’s stories but can’t help critiquing them.

6 – Spotting a typo in a published author’s novel is a source of satisfaction. You later repent of this.

7 – Spotting a major plot error in a published author’s novel is a source of joy. You later repent of this.

8 – Your bookshelf contains almost as many “how to write” books as actual novels.

9 – Whenever you read a book you look for a way of rewriting it from a Christian perspective.

10 – The Matrix is loaded with Christian allegory. So are Star Trek, Star Wars, and Dune

11 – You know what an em dash is.

About P.A.Baines

P.A.Baines writes computer programs for a living but would much rather be writing Christian speculative fiction, which he does whenever he gets the opportunity. Educated in Africa, he is studying towards a degree in Creative Writing through Buckinghamshire New University in England. He enjoys asking "what if?" but is tired of how speculative fiction deals with religion in general and the God of the Bible in particular. His stories are for Christians who enjoy science fiction but who normally avoid the genre because of its tendency towards an atheistic world-view. His aim is to write entertaining and thought-provoking stories that stretch the imagination, but which keep God in His rightful place as Lord over all creation. P.A.Baines is British but currently lives in a small corner of the Netherlands with his wife and two children and various wildlife. He spends what little spare time he has keeping fit, watching films, and playing computer games with his children. He does most of his reading via audio books, which he listens to while commuting to and from work on his trusty bicycle. He speaks reasonable Dutch and is in the process of learning French.

7 comments on “You know you’re a writer when…

  1. So true! Love it. How about this one, especially for our genre: You notice that people stare blankly when you try and describe what you’re writing. I had this problem just recently with a tale about intelligent fungi.

  2. Here you go… When asked a question you feel stupid answering aloud. So you write it down first and check it for style and grammar.

  3. You talk about your characters as if they are real. Even worse, you talk about them as if you have no control over how they will react in a given situation.

    • This is very me. XD

      Then there’s always spending the entire duration of a dissapointing movie thinking of how you would rewrite it.

      When movies/novels can actually make you angry because there was so much potential, and yet somehow it went very wrong.

      And then there’s always putting off important things like eating and going to the bathroom.

  4. How about regularly analyzing stories and movies not only regarding character motives, but what the author was doing and what the author wants the reader to think. Ie, in a mystery, “Well, the author is making the butler look guilty, but yet the maid is given too much screen time to be just background – so it’s probably the maid even though the author is trying to be subtle.”

    When I was a college student renting a bedroom my landlady always watched the sci-fi channel and I’d walk in to see parts of a show and I could tell by the music, or way a character is portrayed that they were destined for alien fodder…and I’d say “Well, he’s dead.” Drove her nuts, especially when the character had just been introduced. But 9/10 times I was right.

    Oh, and calling out “Download!” in the middle of a movie – things like that are probably why I rarely go theaters – to spare innocent bystanders.
    BTW, I’ve found that being about to spot creative downloads is one of the best ways to figure out “who-done-it”.

  5. 1. Check!
    2. Check!
    3. Check! I write during lunch at work. I don’t have less distractions, but I think my mind is more active and able to be more creative.
    4. LOL Triple check! I see potential plot points everywhere.
    5. Nope. Not quite there yet.
    6. Check! I’ve started that recently.
    7. Check! See #6.
    8. Check! I’m probably at a 2-to-1 ratio. 🙂
    9. Nope. Not quite there yet.
    10. Check!
    11. I do now. 🙂

    I scored an eight, does that mean I qualify as a writer?

    Great list!

    • Eight out of eleven? You’re a writer for sure !!

      I use lunch breaks as well. I figure I’m at my desk and the office is quiet and there’s nothing to distract me. I find writing at home quite difficult sometimes because it feels like the distractions are lining up to get my attention.

      Point 5 is something that crept up on me after I started doing a writing course. We had to write critiques of a bunch of short stories by published writers. It kind of became a habit after that 😦 Now I find myself reading something and this little alarm will go off in the back of my head. It’s useful but can be annoying sometimes.

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