I got into a political discussion on Facebook yesterday. As a rule, I try to avoid political arguments. The “other side” will rarely come around to your way of thinking anyway, and it only serves to annoy most people. Nevertheless, once in awhile something strikes me so I can’t keep my mouth shut.
This particular conversation began with someone asking whether things were better or worse than they were four years ago, and quickly digressed into everyone spouting their opinion of the economy and women’s rights. One woman kept coming back to the conversation with her opinions on being able to get birth control through her health insurance regardless of her employer’s morality and her stance on gay rights. Mostly I read through the comments enjoying the debate and largely ignoring this particular woman’s rantings.
The discussion morphed and the topic of equal work/equal pay came up. This woman insisted women make less than men, citing the census as the basis for her information. Someone else countered with another study by CBS News claiming the gender pay gap is a myth. This person pointed out that “because women, as a group, make less money does NOT mean there is “gender bias” for pay. Just like the fact that 80% the players in the National Basketball Association are black does NOT mean there is anti-white racism at work–although by your “Census” logic, that is exactly what it would mean.”
To which this woman responded, “That article prompts one question from me. That is, if women weren’t indoctrinated from DAY ONE to be the one to raise the children and tend the household, would the numbers changes. Also, WHY are educational and nursing jobs paying less? Maybe because they’re typically seen as WOMEN’S jobs and therefore should be paid less.”
And that, my dears, is where I could no longer keep my mouth shut.
As I was composing my response, a few other choice snippets were interchanged. By the gentleman who posted the
CBS article, “Indoctrinated? I think since women are the ones who can actually GIVE birth (not to mention BREASTFEED children–which I’m sure you’re aware is healthier for newborns) that it is logically they who would be better to “tend the children” (if one person is going to be “in charge” while the other works, that is).” He said a few other things, as well, but I’ll return to this lady’s response.
She said, “But mothers only need to stay home for a limited period of time, 1 year tops. What about the rest of the time, that 17 years or so, afterwards?”
Shortly after that was where I unleashed my diatribe. My response I think pretty wells sums up how I feel about this topic and her views:
Where do you get off suggesting that the desire to be a mother is somehow “indoctrinated” into women? Where do you get off suggesting that choosing to stay home with kids is somehow less work or less valuable than being in the work force? I am an intelligent, educated woman who has chosen to stay home with her kids, not because I have to but because I WANT to because I believe it’s the best thing for my kids, and the insinuation that my contribution to society is somehow less and that I am somehow less as a woman because of that is not only insulting, it’s FAR more damaging to my freedom of choice and my civil rights than ANYTHING the government has done. And before you go making any more judgments, my husband is a teacher. He has a master’s in computers and could easily make three times what he makes as a teacher if he were in the corporate world, but he enjoys his job, which is NOT a “woman’s” job. I think the education system needs serious reform, because teachers have one of the most important jobs, but that’s another discussion. The point is, a woman’s (or man’s! I know stay-at-home dads, too!) choice to stay home with kids is JUST as valid a career path as any other. Oh, and I pity your children if you think they only need you for the first year of life. Countless statistics prove that the physical presence of parents in their children’s lives create more stable, productive, successful people.
Get them, girlie. Feisty mommas seem to be a thing for October.
Amen to that, Avily! As a stay-at-home (now-single) mom who is ALSO trying to make my way in the world, I salute you!
You said it, gal!
Thank you for standing up publicly for motherhood! Now that I am in the workforce, it has become all too clear to me how second-best that is to being able to see my kids in the door at the end of the school day, run my household effectively, and have free moments to give to people around me who have physical or emotional needs.
I lament the loss of these pursuits, but since my husband teaches in a private school, providing a second income is my way of supporting him in the ministry he is gifted in and called to. But I know placing that reasoning behind why I work outside the home would also make me second-rate in many women’s minds.
I completely understand how a second income is necessary in many, many cases. And I have no problem with women choosing to have a career, nor do I think women should be paid less simply because they are women. But I resent the notion that having a family is “indoctrinated” or that having a career instead or in addition to being a mother is “better” in any way.
You’re not second-rate, Becky. Our society is for not paying your man enough to support his family and forcing you into the work place, too. By trying to force men and women to be the same in terms of functionality, we’re only making the genders equally miserable and equally poor. God’s design has a delicate balance of equality (all of nature loves equal and doggedly pursues it.) It is easily upset and sin has knocked us off-balance ever since the garden. Christ and the gospel are the only way of restoring that balance. When the world rejects him, no matter how doggedly they pursue an equality without him at its center, all they’ll get is more sorrow and death. Those of us with God at the center of our families’ equations still suffer from the sins of our culture, and we each have to prayerfully make the best of the cards we’re dealt.
Beautifully put, thanks Andrea!
The gender pay gap is very real, and it is reflected in Census Data. What few feminists are willing to acknowledge, however, is that the pay gap is sometimes the result of our own choices, and not only due to compensation discrimination (although that happens, too). Women pursue different careers than men. It just happens that way because of people’s proclivities. And we do tend to take more years off, on average, for child-rearing. Also, mend tend to be more hard-driving, working late hours to earn promotions, whereas women leave on time to pick the kids up from daycare. Those are valid choices that just happen to break along gender lines. I’m sure there are plenty of contrarian examples, too.
Andrea, I agree with your overall point, but the way you phrased your opening statement seems to imply a closer relationship between pay and society’s goals for gender equality than actually exists. That our society encourages both men and women to pursue equal careers is not the problem, in my opinion.
I see two separate problems. One is that our society tries to fit everyone into the “earn your keep” mold, so homemakers of either sex are seen as aberrant — though men more so than women. I believe people should be free to pursue whatever careers they’re inclined to, whether female construction managers or male homemakers.
The other problem is that wages in all jobs (except CEOs, of course
) have not kept pace with inflation. Inflation has averaged about three percent per year, last time I looked, while wages have been virtually flat. That’s true no matter your gender.
Here’s the link to the study I read that was cited in the conversation. http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-505125_162-28246928/the-gender-pay-gap-is-a-complete-myth/
Basically what you just said. The conclusion is more that women choose jobs based on other amenities, such as weekends home and safer jobs that pay less, whereas men choose jobs with worse hours or more dangerous requirements that pay more, but when men and women are doing the same work, there is not that pay gap. “Pay gap” is misleading. Just because women as a group make less based on those factors doesn’t mean there is inequality in pay.
Yes, we do need to specify whether we’re talking about aggregate pay across the whole population, as I was, or individual pay for specific jobs, as you are. Because they’re totally different ways of analyzing the data.